lauantai 5. tammikuuta 2013

Growing Your Manly Pride

Well hello there.

All of you, who have had very short hair (or even been bald), and wanted to grow your hair back, know that the worst part are the few first weeks when you just look awful no matter what and want to hide under a giant hat. And well, though hats are cool, men have several daily situations, where removing the hat is required.
Now all of this concerns growing a moustache, too, and in addition, you upper lip is even harder to keep hidden! So here's a short how-to for the process, completed with lazy-ass illustration photoshopped by Yours Truly.


STAGE ONE: Getting Started

Next Monday is the first anniversary of my latest upper lip shaving. I've had occasional moustaches every now and then for years, but mostly they've been just trimmed to stay away from my mouth and thus nothing special. A year ago I had flu and got tired to that sneezing, so I shaved my moustache off. Here's a before-after photo I took then:

(Yes, it's supposed to look like a mugshot)
























Immediately after, I started to regret. I've been great fan of all things Gentleman since a little kid, and handsome, impressive handlebar moustache has always been a private fantasy of mine.

As it happens, at the same time I'd been getting to know a very special Girl, who has a thing for moustache - which, if you didn't know, isn't exactly a common quality among women.

So encouraged by her, I decided to start growing a Proper pair. Since I have only random photos of different stages instead of exact documentation, I made this lazy Photoshop illustration (maybe I'll draw proper ones by hand someday when I have time).

Here we go, this is Stage One. Hair growth - especially on facial hair - is very individual, so area in which your moustache will grow, its thickness and growth speed all depend on your genes. However, usually some kind of growth will start to appear 12-36 hours after shaving. Depending on your (facial) hair colour, it might be visible or not. For me, this photo shows growth somewhere around week:












This isn't bad yet. It looks a bit untidy, but nothing serious. It might be good idea to let your beard grow, too (if you don't have one); this will hide your moustache plans remarkably well.
We continue to




STAGE TWO: First Month

THIS is the worst part. If you have a Significant Other in your life, you'll hear non-stop complaints about how horrible your moustache growth looks and how badly it scratches while kissing (this is, in most of cases. My darling is an angel, never heard a single complaint about my moustache, ever. She must really love them, and me). Be aware that this WILL MOST CERTAINLY HAPPEN.

(If you don't have a Significant Other, be aware that you won't be getting one when in this stage. Don't get depressed. When your upper lip caterpillar finally breaks its cocoon and unfolds into an incredibly hunky butterfly, they'll pray for ground to open and swallow them for their ignorance and lack of faith.)

Worst thing about all this critique and lack of understanding is that it's COMPLETELY TRUE.
You DO look horrible, and your immature moustache IS scratching your partner's lips.

Just hang in there. It'll pass. You'll live. And you'll grow a striking moustache.




STAGE THREE: First Trimming

It's impossible to give an exact time when this is required. You just have to observe. When first hairs are overlapping your upper lip, it's time to start trimming. Basically, the best thing is to keep small scissors in 90-degree angle to your upper lips border and cut every hair at that point. Here's how it looks (somewhat):

Before











After















The mystical runes on the right sides are supposed to show hair length and the angle they should be shortened to. Also, notice the area right under nose? That's usually some of the thickest and darkest hair of you moustache. Especially if you have a small non-hair triangle on top of the midpoint of your lip as I do, your facial hair is in severe danger to start looking like two hairy worms coming out of your nostrils.

THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT WITH THAT CATERPILLAR AND COCOON.

Trim that area. Right.

This kind of trimming will probably get you through  first month or so.



STAGE FOUR: The Fun Part!

Well well! So you've been tough and dedicated and made it through the first couple of months of horror.
At this point your moustache should be getting long enough for the highest growing hairs to reach your upper lip. You can now start growing them longer (especially on sides). The trick to keeping them tidy and off your mouth is MOUSTACHE WAX.

I have no clue of brands and availability globally, but in Finland there's only one brand producing moustache wax in industrial scale. It's called DaliWax. I haven't personally tried it, but for what I know, it's decent stuff although quite soft so it won't keep your thing in order. Especially in summer when it's hotter.

However, being the visually obsessed geek I am, I despise DaliWax's plastic package.
So when - after about three months of growing- I was in need of wax, I started making my own.
It's called The Pugilist and it's packed in a cool metal tin:


















You can buy your own for 10 euros / tin  (DaliWax costs about the same). I make it in small scale so it might not be available on short notice.
You can ask for it for example via Gentleman's Moustache Society.

Moustache wax is added by taking a small amount of it on your finger tip, then warming it up a bit by rubbing it between your fingers (so it gets nice and soft) and the applying it to you moustache. Run your waxed fingers down the hairs, don't add too much of it, just enough for hair to collect a bit of stickiness and then sculpt hair out from the middle. You can use your finger to smooth them out.


Here's me with my month-old moustache
 and the first tin of The Pugilist.
Taken in Feb 2012.





























This procedure will keep them out of your mouth while growing them more. During this time, don't cut them at all. If there are some single stubborn hair that keeps sticking out, trim it off, but that's it.

So here's how your moustache will be lookin after a while:


It's pretty wild, but definitely could be tamed by waxing and shaping. 
BUT, there are some tricks to make it a bit more user-friendly. Trim it like this:



This kind of cut will guarantee that the middle part won't be in your mouth all the time. Also, if you have that little hairless triangle in the middle, this will help to cover it and keep your moustache general shape nice and clean. This is about how it looks like in real life:


Yeah baby.

Now then. Add wax as before and arrange you whiskers like shown here:


There you go!
Play and experiment with them. You'll find the perfect order to suit your face.


AND, you can start getting the chicks now!!



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